Navigating Changing Belief: From Floating to Foundation with the C.A.R.E.S. to C.A.V.E.S. Framework
The process of religious deconstruction—the questioning and reevaluating of one’s foundational beliefs—has become a defining experience for countless adults today. While conversations around faith shifts have gained prominence, it can be helpful to recognize that the process is not merely intellectual; it is profoundly emotional, systemic, and structural. For those who grew up within a comprehensive, high-demand religious system, exiting or even questioning that framework can feel like losing the very ground beneath their feet.
I know this emotional landscape intimately. My own transition, which I summarize as a “journey from orthodoxy to compassion,” was marked by a deep sense of vulnerability. It was a time of being suspended between old certainties and the frightening potential of new perspectives. I describe this period as a state of “floating”—where the waves of doubt and uncertainty wash over, and one is not quite ready to sink or swim.
In that moment of floating, I realized that this vulnerability isn’t just about being lost; it’s also about the freedom to explore. It became an opportunity to observe the currents around me without the pressure to make immediate decisions. I could take my time, reflect on what truly resonated, and gradually piece together a new understanding of my spirituality. Floating allowed me to embrace the uncertainty, to be curious about what lay beneath the surface, and to gently navigate my way through the complexities of my beliefs. This phase was not limbo; it was a necessary part of my evolution, redefining my relationship with faith and spirituality on my own terms.
To move constructively from that vulnerable state of floating to a state of reconstructed authenticity, we must first understand exactly what was lost. We must recognize the benefits that the religious framework once provided, so that we can intentionally rebuild those functions in a secular context. This is the purpose of the C.A.R.E.S. Framework.
The Foundation of Security: Understanding the C.A.R.E.S. Framework
Religion has long been a cornerstone of human civilization, providing individuals with a framework for understanding life, community, and morality. It is a powerful social tool that has evolved with us as a species. The C.A.R.E.S. framework is a simplified way to remember and conceptualize the essential social, emotional, and existential functions that religious systems provide. It serves as a guide for individuals to identify precisely which benefits of religious participation were most meaningful to them, and which may need intentional replacement during deconstruction.
Community
One of the most significant benefits of religion is the sense of community it fosters. Religious groups often provide a dense, supportive network where individuals find belonging, share experiences, and cultivate relationships. This sense of community is especially vital during times of crisis or transition, offering readily available emotional support, shared values, and a network for celebration and comfort during life’s milestones (such as births, weddings, or funerals).
For those undergoing deconstruction, the loss of this Community is often the sharpest, most painful experience. The pain is not just about losing religious belief; it is about losing the social fabric that defined daily life. Identifying this loss is the first step toward healing.
Authority
Religion often provides a robust sense of Authority and structure in life. For many, religious teachings offer clear moral guidance and a framework for making ethical decisions. This authority represents the guidance and leadership found in religious roles, sacred texts, or historical narratives.
Authority offers clarity in times of uncertainty. When facing complex moral dilemmas or major life decisions, many find comfort in knowing whom to trust or where to look for definitive answers. The downside, however, is that relying solely on external authority can compromise personal autonomy and inhibit the development of independent ethical reasoning. The structure is provided, but at the cost of self-determination.
Ritual
Ritual encompasses the ceremonies, traditions, and regular practices that mark significant life events and communal gatherings. Rituals bring organized, predictable structure, meaning, and opportunities to reflect or connect with others. Whether it is a weekly communal service, a specific family practice, or a defined ceremony for a life stage (like a baptism or confirmation), Ritual anchors the passage of time and the emotional significance of human experience.
For individuals undergoing deconstruction, the loss of Ritual can make life feel flat and unstructured. The familiar paths for processing grief, celebrating joy, or marking time disappear, leaving a sudden vacuum that demands intentional replacement with new, personalized meaning-making practices.
Existential Answers
Religion addresses fundamental Existential Questions about life, death, purpose, the nature of suffering, and what happens after death. It provides a cohesive, comforting narrative about life and the universe.
For those undergoing deconstruction, the loss of these fixed answers can be both liberating and daunting. Engaging with these newly opened existential questions allows individuals to confront their deepest fears and uncertainties. While this confrontation can lead to profound personal growth, the initial lack of clear answers often heightens anxiety and emotional distress.
Structure
Beyond the weekly rituals, Structure consists of the organized, predictable framework provided by religious life. This includes clear schedules for worship, social expectations, guidelines for acceptable behavior, and a predefined order to the year or life stages. This organized predictability is vital because it helps people feel safe and oriented in a chaotic world.
While the rules can feel stifling, the safety derived from knowing the boundaries—where you belong and how you should behave—is immense. Losing this structure creates a sudden need for individuals to design their own moral guidelines, social expectations, and personal routines, which can be exhausting.
The Pivot to Autonomy: Navigating Deconstruction with C.A.V.E.S.
The C.A.R.E.S. framework is helpful because it clarifies which fundamental human needs (for community, guidance, and meaning) were being met. The task of intentional deconstruction is not simply to discard these pillars, but to reclaim them and rebuild them with autonomy and authenticity at the core.
This necessity for constructive rebuilding is captured in the framework C.A.V.E.S. (Community, Authority, Values, Existential Exploration, Structure), which I often use as a useful tool for individuals navigating the complexities of their shifting beliefs. It encourages a fresh perspective, asking the client to start over as if they were exploring the world anew.
Community (C): Smaller and Farther but Belonging
As individuals question their faith, they inevitably feel isolated or disconnected from their previous religious community. The new definition of Community emphasizes finding or creating supportive networks that resonate with one's evolving beliefs.
The Rebuilding Tip: Your new community will start (and likely stay very) small. You must adjust your expectations from the large, dense congregation you were used to. Instead of relying on a geographically defined boundary (like a ward), your new community will be more disperse. Most importantly, the new community must be built on belonging and less on fitting in (see Brené Brown). It is a space where your complexity is affirmed, not just tolerated.
Authority (A): Reclaiming Personal Truth
Reclaiming personal Authority is crucial in the deconstruction process. This involves recognizing that individuals have the autonomy to interpret and apply beliefs in ways that resonate with their unique experiences and values. Rather than relying solely on external authorities (clergy, texts), the individual explores their own understanding of ethics and spirituality.
The Rebuilding Tip: It Takes Practice! Reclaiming personal authority requires actively questioning and reflecting on the teachings you’ve received. Take time to explore what resonates with you and what doesn’t. Create a list of beliefs that feel authentic and those that feel imposed. This shift empowers you to make informed choices about your beliefs and practices.
Values (V): From Inheritance to Intentionality
In the CAVES framework, Values replaces Ritual. While religion often encapsulates a set of values, the deconstruction process requires letting go of inherited principles that no longer resonate. This forces a deeper reflection on core values—what truly matters to the self.
The Rebuilding Tip: Conduct a values assessment by identifying what truly matters to you now. Prioritize virtues like compassion, integrity, and authenticity. This process may involve letting go of certain teachings that no longer resonate and embracing new values that reflect personal growth. This alignment leads to a more fulfilling and authentic expression of a meaningful life.
Existential Exploration (E): Embracing the Uncertainty
The Existential Exploration component encourages confronting fundamental inquiries about life, purpose, and existence. This differs from "Existential Answers" (the R in CARES) because the goal is not to find a fixed replacement dogma, but to develop comfort with the unknown.
The Rebuilding Tip: Embrace existential questions as a natural part of your journey. Set aside time for introspection and contemplation. Journaling can be a powerful tool for exploring your thoughts and feelings. Don’t shy away from discomfort; instead, lean into it. Embracing the unknown allows you to cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself, fostering resilience and adaptability.
Structure (S): Personalized Routine and Ritual
The Structure provided by religious traditions offered stability; the CAVES framework requires creating a personalized routine. While the rigid framework may have been comforting during uncertainty, it may need to be redefined or discarded entirely.
The Rebuilding Tip: Reflect on which aspects of the old structure served you well (e.g., quiet reflection time, weekly connection) and integrate them into a new, personalized routine. This might mean substituting Sunday services with dedicated time for nature walks, meditation, or family connection. The goal is to create a personalized structure that supports your evolving beliefs and values, rather than mandating compliance.
Conclusion: The Path of Authentic Reconstruction
The journey of deconstruction is challenging, but employing the CARES to CAVES framework facilitates a thoughtful and constructive exploration of beliefs. By first acknowledging and honoring the immense benefits that the religious system once provided, we can then approach the act of letting go with compassion, not contempt.
This process is not about destruction; it is about authentic reconstruction. It is about taking the time to float, embracing the uncertainty, and utilizing the tools of C.A.V.E.S. to build a life where Community is based on belonging, Authority rests with the self, Values are intentionally chosen, Existential Exploration is welcomed, and Structure is personally defined.
The ultimate aim is to move past the fragmentation of conditional belonging and create a profound understanding of oneself and one's place in the world. This journey culminates in an authentic, meaningful, and rewarding life—one that is entirely the client's own creation.
References
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House.
Nagoski, E. (2015). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon and Schuster.
